“Loving you, I understood myself.”

Kamand Kojouri

FIND ME HERE, SAID LOVE

“Find me here,
said love.
I will wait for you
below and above.

I’ll wait for you
in the dark, in the light.
I’ll wait for you
in the day, in the night.

I have waited millions of years
and haven’t grown weary once.
All of eternity I will wait
though there’s nowhere I haven’t been once.

I have been in hearts and groins,
in the whole and the chasm.
I have been in birth and death,
in the cries and the orgasm.

If you close your eyes, I am there
in your nakedness, in your truth.
If you ask for me, I will come
in your age, in your youth.

Because I love you, lover.
And wish to be loved.
Find me here, said love.
I wish to be loved.”

Kamand Kojouri

 

GIVE ME BACK TO MYSELF

“Give me back my lips.
I meant to give you a kiss
but a kiss turned to a thousand,
and a thousand to thousands,
and now my lips have left with you.
Give me back my hands.
They only intended to caress you
but they held tight and have forgotten
even the very arms they belong to.
Give me back my mind.
Mind wasn’t even supposed to think of you
but you forced yourself into dreams,
and those dreams dreamed of your reality
and now mind is mindless —
less mine more yours.
Give me back to myself.
I miss my reflection
and who I was before I met you.
Before I eagerly and lovingly,
stupidly and foolishly
gave all of myself to you.”

Kamand Kojouri

MAKE ME DRUNK

“Make me drunk.
Make me drunk, Beloved.
I crave your drink.
Break these thought chains
and tear these garments.
I crave your nakedness.
I’m speaking to you.
I’m speaking to you, Beloved
Take me to the depths of your ocean.
I’m thirsting for your drink.
I have followed the scent
of your intoxicating perfume
and having arrived at this altar,
I sacrifice my body for your soul.
Oh Beloved, make me drunk.
Make me drunk!”

Kamand Kojouri

BRIDGES

“How strange is it
that our beloved
finds its way to us
in everything?
The orange moon,
a freckle,
the smell of coffee—
are all bridges
to the one we desire.
How does our beloved find us
in this way?
Or
are we the ones instead
who find our beloved in everything?
Our intense want of them
necessitates the nearness of them.
And so we seek beauty
only to be flooded with the beauty
of our beloved.
And we write ellipses on the page
only to be thrice reminded
of the freckle
below their lips…”

Kamand Kojouri

“Our minds have this strange ability to make associations using ourselves as a reference point. They create our identities based on our relation to people and things. They aim for control because ownership falsely promises us an elevated sense of self. But this is exactly the opposite of love. When we fall in love, we disidentify and get lost for a little while in a song, a beautiful painting, and most of all, we get lost in our lover. And through their love, we find our true infinite selves.”

Kamand Kojouri

LONGING

“The way a love letter longs to be read
I long for you.
The way the poor Kane longs for his sled
I long for you.

The way the moon longs for the dark of night
I long for you.
The way a nestling bird longs for flight
I long for you.

I am blessed
and I am cursed.
I have waited for so long.
I need you to come to me.
And remind me
of who I was once.”

Kamand Kojouri

TO SEE YOU

“To see you is to forget my name.
To forget this tight collar
and that delayed train.
To forget the conflict with the landlady
and the worry that my students won’t like me.
These trifles lose themselves
in the valleys of your brows
and the seas of your hair.

To see you is to forget my name.
To forget if it matters what I do
and whether what I do matters.
To forget who I think I am
and who I think I ought to become.
To forget every past moment
and unremember
every moment to come.

To see you is to forget my name.
To forget myself
and forget the world.
These trivialities drown themselves
in the dark eyes that stare back at me.
Because to see you is to see
you.
Only you.”

Kamand Kojouri

“I will look for you in every lifetime and love you there.”

Kamand Kojouri

THE GIFT

“How hard it was for me
to find you the perfect gift.
I had looked everywhere
and considered every idea
until I had an epiphany
and felt as wise as the magi.
For my gift would be simple.
For my gift would be honest.
How hard it was for me
to wrap myself neatly
and feign sobriety.
Yet,
how easy it was for you
to pull the ribbon and uncover me.
Exposing my fears.
Exposing my desires.
How hard it was for me
to gift myself to you.
Yet,
how easy it was for you
to make me undone.”

Kamand Kojouri